When talking about relationships, there is a concept called New Relationship Energy (NRE). At the beginning of a relationship, emotional and sexual connection (and therefore satisfaction) are high. This NRE can last several months up to several years, and it is largely driven by a flooding of bonding neurotransmitters in the brain. One may feel like they can’t stop thinking about their partner, the chemistry is high, and sexual compatibility is intense. By nature’s design, NRE will start to settle down.
Many couples will then move into a more long-term relationship dynamic called Companionate Love hallmarked by intimacy, trust, commitment, and mutual respect. Connection is deep but it may feel different than it did before. I often hear folks describe things such as “the chemistry is just not there anymore” or “we don’t connect sexually like we used to.” This is a normal evolution of a long-term relationship. To keep your NRE alive, consider the following:
Communication
It may be no surprise that communication is first, but it is often what people struggle with the most when it comes to intimate topics. We often lack the language to truly express our desires, feel shameful about our fantasies, got really bad advice the last time we brought it up, or just feel too uncomfortable to discuss it. I suggest picking a date to have an annual intimacy check-in conversation such as New Years, a birthday, or an anniversary. Talk about it OUTSIDE the bedroom.
Safety
When I talk about safety, I mean both physical and emotional safety. Are you comfortable with the physical acts that your partner is suggesting? It’s important to also feel emotional safety with your partner. Emotional safety comes by feeling secure and accepted. This is fostered through trust, respect of boundaries, consistent behavior (such as helping with daily home tasks), open communication, and support. If you don’t feel these things outside the bedroom, your body and brain will recoil and intimacy will become off-the-table.
Prioritize Intimate Connections
Humans can sometimes fall into a rut, turning intimacy into something performative or goal-oriented. When closeness is driven by outcomes—whether pleasure, power, or performance—it can lose its deeper meaning. If those expectations aren’t met, disappointment often follows. True intimacy isn’t about reaching a specific endpoint. It’s about presence, vulnerability, and the connection of mind, body, and soul with your partner.
Playtime
Sex is adult playtime. It should be fun, interesting, and imaginative. Many people think that fantasies and imaging are scary, or it means something about you. However, fantasies help tap into your imagination, increase desire, and improve satisfaction.
Christina Saldanha, PA-C, is the founder and clinical director of Camel City Women’s Wellness. As a well-known writer and speaker, she has been passionate about women’s healthcare her entire life—empowering women to take control over their mental, physical, and sexual health. Connect with Christina and the entire team at www.camelcitywomenswellness.com or 336.585.7312.
