“We are not all in the same boat. We are all in the same storm.” — Damian Barr
There are over 17.6 million veterans in the United States. Each have experienced wartime “storms” with widely varying “boats.” Trauma and mental health challenges accompany them. Since September 2001, over two million Americans have been deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan, with less than half receiving adequate mental health treatment. The numbers are staggering. Training and deployment are rife with challenges. Each with their own personal stories that change a person and unfortunately it is not a “one person storm.” It impacts their families, their social climate, and interpersonal relationships.
Generational trauma is a term used to describe trauma that persists beyond an individual’s life. It is a traumatic experience that is passed down through our DNA. Most of us were raised by families with a history of unresolved trauma, which can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms. There are studies showing the genetic markers or changes in the children of Holocaust survivors, Vietnam veterans, and those at Ground Zero. These studies solidly substantiate the impact of trauma and reinforce the need for appropriate healing, support systems, and a community where understanding is paramount. This generational trauma affects each person, not just service members.
As a pebble drops in the lake, it creates ripples that expand outward. Deployment and trauma have a similar ripple effect, impacting not only the veteran, but also their families with a kaleidoscope of emotions – pride, excitement, anxiety, fear, anger, abandonment, helplessness. The list is infinite. Service members are trained to suppress emotions to complete the mission. This stoic attitude is also carried out by their spouses and manifested in “keep the family together” both physically and mentally during deployment. Both are a huge burden to each other yet carry a vastly different experience.
Change is the “waterway” of the military; it’s a constant flow of demands including and not exclusively within the family structure. There is excitement when service members return home yet the current of that waterway changes. A deep breath of relief for a “safe” return. Yet new unknowns arise, and invisible wounds start to show. The family has grown and continued without the service members. They have schedules, rules, and memories. Spouses have handled everything, creating new friendships as part of their support system. Children have experienced life with just one parent present.
Service members have experienced the unimaginable — the deep longing to be home, only to find themselves adrift once they arrive. This storm is a new dimension for everyone, testing our understanding of connection and belonging. Yet through active listening, intentionality, and compassion, we can begin to rebuild a new kind of vessel, one strong enough to carry us all forward … with hope, dignity, and honor.
Katie Stankiewicz is the CEO of Willow Equine and the executive director of Soul to Sole Connection which offers free counseling to all military, veterans, and their families. For more information on services or to donate, visit www.healingwithhorseslkn.org or call 704.237.0644.
